Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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