and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
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Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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