I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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