i permit you to call me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
