Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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