She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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