Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
