lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
