I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
