Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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