I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
