Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
