I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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