she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
