Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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