Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
