I CAN MOONWALK!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
