Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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