bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
