Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
