You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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