My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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