My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
