garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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