SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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