if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
