Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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