the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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