guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
