so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
