Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am available for nakedness
we're so committed to being not committed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
