once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Randomize
