Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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