Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
