we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
