he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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