Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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