the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
