I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
