oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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