Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
