my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
