I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
