Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
