Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have already put on my inside pants.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
