you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
