I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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