Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
