I accidentally burped into my bong.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
