You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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