people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
