I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
