You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
