walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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