dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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