Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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