Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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