I just gift wrapped bread.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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