Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
