You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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