he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize