I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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