I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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