Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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