I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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