All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize