I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I want to be your penis for a week.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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