just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
