at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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