KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
