Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
